"Why do I keep dating people who treat me badly?"

This is one of the most common and painful questions clients bring into therapy—and it often comes with layers of shame, confusion, and self-blame.

The answer is rarely simple, but it’s almost never about weakness or poor judgment. Often, these patterns stem from deeply rooted psychological factors:

• Unresolved attachment wounds from early caregiving relationships that taught us love must be earned through sacrifice or suffering.

• Low self-worth, which can create a belief that we do not deserve better treatment or that mistreatment is normal.

• Familiarity with dysfunction, where chaotic or emotionally unavailable dynamics feel oddly "comfortable" because they mirror past experiences.

• A subconscious hope to "fix" the past by re-creating and redeeming similar situations.

These patterns are not chosen consciously—but once they are identified, they can be unlearned.

Therapeutic work around this involves exploring early relational experiences, identifying core beliefs, and gradually redefining what safe, respectful, and reciprocal connection looks like.

To anyone asking themselves this question: You are not alone. Understanding your patterns is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of growth. Healing begins not with blame, but with curiosity, self-awareness, and a willingness to break the cycle.

#MentalHealth #RelationalPatterns #AttachmentTheory #TraumaInformedCare #Psychotherapy #CounsellingPsychologist #EmotionalHealth #Boundaries